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Monday, January 21st, 2008
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8:00p - Eat AIDS volume 45
Today finds me in good spirits and it's probably to do with the new book I started. I know how nerd and pathetic.
Papa Hemingway kicks ass so far. I started it yesterday and I'm half way through it now. There's a lot of similarities between Hunter and Ernest. I have the feeling Hunter tried to mirror him, especially knowing that Hunter took a trip to the house and the specific room that Ernest shot and killed himself in. It goes deeper than that. The way they lived, even though Hemingway wasn't into drugs and was a successful fiction writer. They both view journalism in the same light, but Ernest was actually brave enough to cut the ties of easy money that journalism brings, as where Hunter never could do that. Both their suicides were brought on by the failure of their physical beings. I don't think either of them could deal with the fragility that age brings with it. I believe Hemingway said something along the lines that on the line is the only good place to take things. I also recall Hunter talking about "the edge" and only few knowing what it is. This being during the "Hells Angels" years.
I don't know, I'm enjoying the hell out of it.
Fuck I had a page bookmarked to put a quote on my journal today but I left the book at work. Re-I'm the guy that brings a book to work everyday and gets made fun of.
I think I'm finally burned out on Vonnegut for now. It actually took me more than two days to read his last book "Welcome To The Monkeyhouse." I'm thinking it's because it was nothing but short stories. I'm hoping at least. Even thinking about that leads me back to Hemingway because he said he never set out to ever write a novel. He simply wrote short stories and if he kept going they just became novels. It was to prove that there was too much emotion to just put in a couple of pages.
Blah, who's predicting a Hemingway phase for me next?
I'd probably never be able to be a writer because I'd find myself mimicking everyone I read.
Although I think Picasso had a quote saying something along the lines of the difference between and amature and a professional is who they steal from.
Fuck if I know, I'll just go to work tomorrow and blow something up.
Repeat and eventually decease.
Hemingway kept a kickass beard so I figure I'll keep mine until the weather warms up. At least I haven't had to invest in a face mask this year. Plus like previously mentioned it makes me look younger. I've been carded every time buying beer since I grew it. I even had a 57 year old man ask me to get some candy out of his pocket because his arthritis has been acting up. That hasn't happened to me since I was 14.
We both enjoyed it.
I guess I can end this on a rant. Something to get the blood going.
My little sister hasn't been in college all year but yet has lied to us all. She hasn't had a job in over 6 months. So basically she's done nothing day in and day out for over 6 months. What boils my blood is that I gave her a card when I had just turned 21. She was turning 19. I had lost everything because of Autumn, I mean I fucking lived in a men's shelter for 2 weeks. I had hit rock bottom, drugs, job, apartment, everything. I didn't have a car or a dime to even go out and buy her a car. So I drew her a spongebob(first drawing I had done since my mom passed) and wrote her a letter on the inside explaining why I'm such an asshole to her. Telling her blatantly that I never want to see her going down any street I've went down. That the lessons I've learned aren't lessons I'd wish on an enemy. It was even the first time I actually told her I loved her. Evidently words don't mean jackshit.
I guess she's even trying to out do me because at least I've always had work ethic. She can't even get her ass out of bed for a god damn job interview.
My greatest mistakes were because of a dumb whore, as where hers is because of nothing. I lost my car and gave up my job because of Autumn. As where my sister has a car paid for by my dad, an apartment paid for by my dad, and still won't even go out and get a job.
I think college is more a bad thing than good these days. Take a survey and see how many people enroll and actually graduate with a good head on their shoulders, compared to the ones that are the like of my sister.
Yeah I know I dropped out, but god damnit I bust my ass 6 days a week. I've seen two people that I've worked with get killed, and I've had countless days where I was so sore that I wasn't worth 2 flying fucks. Just so I could be a middle class whore.
At least I have that initiative.
Obviously I was askew thinking I should start on a positive and end in a rage.
I can't wait to be enjoying both Blue Label scotch and the company of Dennis. I can't even wait to hear him tell the stories we lived together, yet still act like it's new. I was half scared that he'd be changed, but from his phone call, I don't sense it.
Fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, I'm out
-JW
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