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Monday, January 14th, 2008
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8:31p - Why fuck with church when you can write angst online: Memos from a Sunday
My computer blew up. Finally went and bought a new one. It's pretty decent but I hate windows vista so far.
I'll try to rack my brain and find at least some interesting things that have happened recently.
work, read, work.
Latest reads have been, Born Standing Up by Steve Martin, Gonzo by Jann Wenner, God Bless You Mr. Rosewater and Welcome To The Monkey House by Vonnegut, Different Seasons by Stephen King, Iraq and the Lessons of Vietnam by Lloyd C. Gardner, and My Lobotomy by Howard Dully. At least I think that's it.
My two favorites were Different Seasons and Gonzo of course. I don't think I could ever get into Stephen King, but I really enjoyed the hell out of his short stories. Apt Pupil did strange things to me. I hadn't felt tingles like that since I got boners to my 7th grade gym teacher who was 60 year old man with a beard and man titties. He was running and they were jiggling, don't judge me, we're all god's children.
Lindsay came over for the night last night and brought the movie based on the story. She told me I would be dissappointed and she was right for the most part. It was still badass to see Ian Mckellan downing Ancient Age whiskey in a Nazi uniform.
Saturdays are something I look forward to now. Since my last posting I've continued having good saturdays. All except for last saturday.
I went to a party at Randall and Shannon's and there were a few girls there that were a few years younger than me but knew of me. One evidently told the rest that me and her had hooked up when I was in high school. A) I was 18 when she was 14, B) she was from a different high school and I didn't even have my drivers license and finally and most importantly C) she is a sea cow.
She even went so far as to fucking touch me because she "wanted to see if I was ticklish." At this point I was told what she had said, and also she was annoying everyone else so I didn't figure people would lash out at me for being a dick to her. So I did just that. I told her I couldn't have fucked her because I don't own a harpoon. I found it hilarious and expected the rest of the party to agree. They didn't. I was quickly turned into the asshole and made my exit.
Oh well I still got to drive home in a new Tundra.
Honestly just because you have a vagina does not mean any guy is dying to play with it. Because they're scary.
I'm listening to Angels and Airwaves because I can't find any other cd. Bleh.
This is going to be a long boring ass entry. I figure I can write all kinds of mundane shit to catch things up and then won't feel obligated to ever talk about them again.
Fuck all I can get is dial up internet so I've currently got 3 more hours before AIM is finished downloading. Ye gods I'll just let Lindscore burn me a copy tomorrow.
Currently it's 1:30 so they're now selling beer and I just finished off the 6 that I had left so it's time to run down and get a case, booya.
I've got the Bud Light blehs.
A month ago I decided to grow a beard to look older and manlier I suppose. I got carded last night buying a 12 pack and the lady told me that there's no way I'm that old (24). I've had two other people tell me I look young now as well. Mission failed and it itches like hell. I'll post some pictures. I no longer need my digital camera cable because this new pc has a big digital media dock center. So there'll be pictures of that and the Tundra to come.
Fuuuuuuck A.D.D.
Retrospect: 2007 started with me and Jesse drinking and watching Cheaters. It started out really fun, we even cooked out in the snow but then Misty got mad about me wanting to drink beer. Of course passive aggressive is the best way out of all situations so instead of saying anything she just got quiet, wouldn't laugh, and went to bed early. This year started with Lindscore and myself ending up at a party with real crips (blue bandanas on their necks and over their mouths, the real deal.) A personal rule of mine is to never drink in a situation where you might get shanked with a sharpened toothbrush, so we left early. We rang in the new year together in the tundra driving back to my house. Even that was alright though because of the conversation. We got back to my house watched the new volume of cheaters and went to bed. Two things prevail from this story, firstly I have a sick fascination for the show Cheaters and the hosts Joey Grecco's dreamy eyes. Secondly that this year had a tremendously better start than the last 6-7 years of my life. Not one time did I censor my mouth or change my habits, or even feel guilty for being me.
Plus I was drinking Yeungling instead of Coors Light the year prior.
Hot damn some yokels just knocked on the door asking if I could show them the house. Dad's had it on the market for 2 years now. It's a $175,000 house in a $30,000 neighborhood. Also it's in flood plain, got some foundation problems, and is "buy as is" with loans. Which is good for me because I'm living rent free. I think I made a good impression, beer bottles everywhere, with a full one in my hand, at 3 pm on a sunday afternoon. I should've went out and set off some of my mortars. This is why I need guns, just to fuck with people. "Hi nice to meet you, hold my beer while I reload this," would be etched on my tomb. Another funny little tidbit conversation between Lindsay and myself. I told her I want to get a concealed weapons permit so if anyone ever cuts me off I can tap my gun on my window just to let them know. That's when Lindsay informed me that such a thing is against the law. I honestly had no clue. My logic is, I wouldn't point it directly at THEM, just tap the window so that they know I'm insane.
I believe I might take my ears to half inch eventually.
Now listening to the new She Wants Revenge.
I really want to go let off a mortar or roman candle.
Ok couldn't handle anymore SWR, now listening to Opeth "Blackwater Park". Although I'm in the mood for something even more aggressive.
I'm zoning out reading myspaces.
Reading Lindsay's blogs gives me good feelings both intellectually and emotionally.
She's getting stalked fairly hardcore by Misty and her friends. In their head they're almost turning it into a good/evil thing. It's fairly fucked up, fairly long, and more than fairly wrong on their part.
Fuck lets see what's next. I busted a guys mouth at work yesterday. First thing that's pounded in your head before you get your miner card is that horseplay is the #1 cause of injuries on the job. This motherfucker obviously didn't listen and thought it'd be funny to get close to pulling up and hitting me with an open truck door. Well close wasn't the word and it hit me pretty good. Moral of the story, I'm sore as all hell and he got a busted mouth. All he did was bitch all day about how he was going to explain it to his girlfriend. Easy fucknuts, you got yours, the end.
Bleh work has slowed down until March. I'm still getting 50-60 hours a week but they're easy hours. Mainly been spent getting task trained on new pieces of equipment, which can be cool sometimes. I wouldn't mind running a D-11 dozer, or possibly even a 992 G model rock loader.
That is until my dream of making big money writing fucked up shit while drinking and having someone to spend the time with is fulfilled.
So I better get cracking on mastering that equipment.
I didn't touch one drug in the entire year of 2007. Not even marijuana. First time in probably 5 years. Feels nice. Yeah I drink beer, but I've been worse. Yeah sometimes I drink too much but for the most part during those times, I'm the only one I hurt.
I'm a fucking headache and most the time I feel sorry for anyone that actually has to deal with me on a daily basis.
I'll get a laugh, or an ear to actually listen and converse with and that feeling will subdue. Lately the feeling has been more subdued than usual.
God stand back I might even develop some fucked up sense of self-worth. God that'd be a fucking mess.
After reading Gonzo, I've decided that I have to buy a fifth of Chivas Regal just to see what the hype is. Hunter obviously loved it. He also loved Heinekin and Grolsch. Heinekin is alright, kind of skunky but Grolsch can jump off a fucking bridge while burdened with hemorrhoids(sp?). Fuck Grolsch basically.
Fuck I only touched liquor two times in 2007. One time was when I went to the bar with my boss and buddy and the other was my 24th birthday. Of course both times were Wild Turkey 101 proof. Again my only curiousity with Wild Turkey came from HST. I give it two thumbs up though because I've had real fucked up, ripped to the tits, fun both times. I slammed into my dad's truck the night of my 24th birthday pretty good. Of course at the time I thought I just nudged it. Soon realized I had dented it from the cab to the end of the bed. Oh well he traded it in on a new truck the same day I bought my new Tundra.
Fuuuuck I still have to talk about politics, boston sports, and aids.
Too much pressure.
I have $200 riding on the Patriots to win the superbowl. I've never bought a lottery ticket or even played poker for money. I just felt like this is a kind of sure bet, and they're my team. I'm buying rims for my truck whenever I get my taxes back. I'm toying with the idea of taking them to 20" instead of 18's. I'm going with black and chrome. I figure it'll look good with the blue of my truck. Gay vapid shit none of you want to read, sorry.
I'm going to register as democrat before West Virginia's primaries because I think it'll make more of a difference than if I voted republican in the primaries. Really there's a couple of republican candidates I like, that are high up there, so I'm banking one of them will win. However the only democrat I like is John Edwards, and he's going to need all the help he can. Honestly his only chance is for either Obama or Hillary to drop out. He'd stand a good chance in a two man race, but not a 3 man race with that kind of money and publicity to compete with.
If Edwards loses, it'll only be because he's not a fucking minority or because his weiner is one inch shy of Hillary's.
The idea that women will vote for Hillary just because they share the same genital configuration makes me fucking sick. They're just as fucked up as someone that doesn't vote for her because they have different genital configuration.
Please lets keep skin color and genital configuration out of elections.
And don't even give me the bullshit that skin color is actually a bad thing in this election. Riiiiight cause look at all the other presidential candidates that got the backing of fucking Oprah. And god knows having her in your corner is a good thing. Fuck she has thousands of whitebread housewives reading shitty books and watching the Color Purple. She's the god damn pied piper of menopause.
Fuck I'm going to have to remember that last line.
Seriously Obama looks like a fucking monkey. Not in the sense that it's racist and he's black, but in the sense that he has satellites for ears and angelina Jolie's lips.
One last bit on politics. A guy I work with is always trying to get me into arguments. He's also a monkey looking faghat with a 2 inch weiner. Yes I've seen his dick, fuck you it just happened. Anyways he's 26 about to turn 27. I was talking about New Hampshire and how I loathe Hillary. He started with the usual shit "she's the next president." I overlook it of course, then he says this brilliance, "hell in the 3 presidents in my life, I can't tell any change from any of them." Yeah. Divide 26 by 4, given that Clinton served 2 terms. He didn't even know Bush Sr. was a republican.
Yet retards like that vote in the main election and THAT'S why we have the electoral college. Because "for the people by the people" only works on paper or in some intellectual utopia.
Speaking of which I want the Utopias beer by Sam Adams but it's illegal here. Any of my out of state friends want to help me out, I'll give you the price of the beer and shipping, and a little extra.
I'm going to take my first vacation probably in June. I'm thinking of just taking off up north and seeing shit. I'd really like to go to Boston and a few other states. Raise hell with the likes of Amythyst and things of that nature. We'll see.
Misty decided to hold a conversation with me and asked me how I can even live with myself or sleep at night. What the fuck do you really say to that? Well a comforter and pillow helps, uh I don't know. Maybe I am just a monster in some people's eyes. The only thing I'm banking on is that I'm not a monster in the majorities eyes or hell just in certain people's eyes. Yeah correct that "majority" shit, they can suck an ass. I just want certain people to not think of me as a monster.
I need to talk about something happy or else I'm going to turn sideways and be no fun for the rest of the day. Madelyn is still one of the cutest babies ever. I spent thanksgiving with her and randall and shannon. I stopped and got her a huge stuffed dora for her. She kept grabbing my hand and leading me over to her tv. "here you sit here." Me and Randall was playing Madden and she sat in the floor with me and grabbed a controller that wasn't hooked in and played with us. She kept grabbing for mine though because she's too smart to be fooled. I let her play for me a couple times and I still won. I can't even believe remembering the first time I saw her when she was first born compared to her now. She was so small and fragile, and now just a firecracker and so well behaved and good hearted. I remember telling Randall a little bit after she finally got to come home from the hospital that she makes me believe in real compassion and love. I had never been so worried and so close to someone so small and so foreign to me, but it was literally instant.
I plan on spoiling her rotten. I'm getting her into the Princess stuff. I got her a princess shirt for her birthday and a princess bed. For xmas I got her some dora stuff, a tiara and a big princess bag. I think Shannon says she walks around pronouncing how pretty she is, and I think that's fucking awesome. That's the one thing all girls in the world need. Some actual geniune self-esteem. Not the self-esteem that comes off some guy fucking them. Guys will fuck a pocket pussy people, so don't feel too special if one fucks you. You could just as well be a rubber make up of a vagina.
Fuck man, good stuff.
I plan on getting "Of all the sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these; what could have been" tattooed on the inside of my left bicep. Mirrored to the king of hearts on the inside of my right bicep. Of course my tattoo artist is still working on the one tattoo I wrote about earlier. Last time he emailed me was last month saying he still hasn't go the background right. My patience is growing fucking thin. Here I am with the money, the time, and the ideas to start my sleeve and he's pulling this bullshit. Had he not done such a good job on my Hunter S. Thompson piece I'd just go to someone else. I plan on doing that entire leg in HST. I'm putting his memorial statue and a flying gonzo bird on the other half of the leg. I plan on putting in some of my favorite quotes as well. And of course some bats of barstow. Vonnegut has a good quote from one of his short stories I might put on my arm as well. I can't remember it exactly but I think it goes "she's a girl and that's all the chance you need." It's a story about a girl that a guy thinks is just untouchably beautiful. So he's spiteful and mean to her, and hurts her. Then she explains to him what it's like to be her and the only chance he needs is the fact that she's a girl. Carpe Diem.
I wish such wise words would've been laid upon me back when I was 17. They weren't though and I've dealt with what I've dealt with. Despite it all, I'm fucking pleased right now. Hell pleased is an understatement. I wouldn't have it any other way.
My dad will be here anytime, and I don't want to deal with him. It'll be the same old bullshit that I thought I wanted until I got it. I always wanted him to be proud of me, but no matter what I did it wasn't happening. Go to work in the coal mines though and bam, it's fucking instant. I leave work at work (for the most part) but that's all he wants to talk about. I am not my job (how Palahniuk harrrr). Although my boss said one kickass thing yesterday "boys we've got it made, we get paid big money and we blow shit up everrrry day." Fucking eloquent.
I got my boss a liter of Jose tequila for christmas. I planned on doing the bah humbug schtick but then one day he pulls me to the side and gives me a bag full of shit. Hell he got me a new knife, hat, and his wife cooked me a bunch of cookies and shit. So I felt obliged. That might have been one of the closest feelings to xmas cheer that I've felt since mom passed.
Surely no one is reading at this point.
I've never gone into a situation with a girl that I actually had spent a lot of time getting to know. It kind of scares the living fuck out of me, and at the same time doesn't.
I'm terrible for "going along to get along," but I don't have to with Lindscore. She knew the madness she was getting into.
My computer is already fucking up on me after only having it a fucking day. $750 well god damn spent fucking gateway.
this will be the killer of this entry.
Alright went to bed, and went to work. Now here I am a day later still toying with this fucking entry.
I apologize to anyone that's read it.
I just got home from work and off the phone with Lindsay. The conversation ended with me asking her if she wanted a mustache ride. Of course she proclaimed "I vant vone."
Work is becoming less stressful. It will probably stay that way until the elections. We got the mineral rights for another seam of coal about 110 feet below the lowest seam that we just mined. So taking that seam will probably add at least another 6 months to a year of mining. I'm paying $1,000 a month on my truck even though it's just $687 a month just in case I do have a slow period and don't bank as much. Plus doing that will have the truck paid off in 39 more months. Then of course I'll have to trade it in on a $60,000 vehicle, just to be an ass like that.
I'm still skimming through an economics book on the stock market that I bought about 4 months ago. I would still like to take about $2,000 and start a portfolio. I just want to be smart about it and I know I'm not at that point yet. I've got the paperwork to switch my company 401k from safe bonds to risky investments. I really don't plan on retiring with the company I'm with so I know at one point I'll have to cash out anyway. I figure fuckin'a. Plus I'd actually have to live to retirement age, and I don't think any of us would take that bet.
Fuck you, fuck this, I'm out.
I'll try to give a weekly updates on sundays.
In summation(sp?) life is more positive than usual, work is work, Lindsay still makes me happy in gay emo ways, and most importantly I still don't regret anything that has happened post-24th birthday.
Some say when their life is good that "life is like a bowl of cherries." Well I don't like cherries so my life is like a good mustache ride.
mmmmm.
-JW
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